Learned v. Learning

I really do like learning new things, especially things that I am interested in learning about. Knowing something new that I can put to use and share with others gives me a sense of purpose. I am also a supporter of the concept of learning through failure. Many times I have been working on a block of code or practicing a section of music and felt like I was hitting my head on a brick wall but I persisted and eventually made my way over the hump to some semblance of success.

This week I was definitely reminded of how painful learning can be. Have I learned this week? I have indeed. The process of peer reviewing was extremely helpful and I am wishing that we had done more of that prior to this point even if it had been with anonymous drafts from previous years. I think comparing a peer review we completed to one done by a professor with significantly more expertise in this area would be a valuable educational experience. We did a peer review in a previous course of the program but that was before really understanding what a literature review entailed. I'm not sure if that could be worked in to future instances of this course (probably not if it is kept as a four-week course) but I thought I would throw that idea into the mix.

I try to remember that while learning can (and probably should) be painful, the end result is worth it even if the final product is imperfect and incomplete. I shared one of my favorite videos in our Google+ community this week. I have seen it shared at many conferences but it never spoke to me like it did this past week. 

Austin's Butterfly:

My literature review has evolved from a collection of disparate thoughts to a sketch of an outline to a more developed outline supported by an incomplete annotated bibliography to being supported by a more complete annotated bibliography to an actual first draft (very, very rough and very, very incomplete) to a second draft (still rough and incomplete but with a little more clarity in structure) to the third draft in which I am currently swimming. I have gone from that initial drawing of a butterfly to one that at least resembles an actual butterfly. It's still not pretty. It's certainly not anywhere near ready for inclusion in a dissertation but it has begun and is likely to continue to evolve until I submit the dissertation for review. 
To any future UM IDT students, all I can say keep trying. It will be painful. There is no way around it. Avoid any procrastination. Start reading academic research about topics of interest NOW, even if you aren't in the program yet. You may even want to start keep some notes for a future annotated bibliography. Starting now will give you the freedom to absorb and digest the concepts and give you time to let the ideas marinate in your mind. Synthesis is so much easier and far less painful when it is allowed to proceed at natural pace rather than forcing it into a short course timetable. 
Off I go to continue writing. I am comforted by knowing by this time next week, the next draft will be completed and turned in and this course over. However, the journey continues as will this blog. I intend to continue to use this to document my journey through the program. 

Progress Not Perfection

I have discovered the way to overcome crippling perfectionism - the lit review.

The process of doing a literature review would normally be rather enjoyable: reading everything you can about a topic; total immersion; develop your own spin on the material. I cannot say that the last couple of weeks have been enjoyable. They haven't. They have been quite stressful but I, and my fellow doctoral students, have kept trudging ahead, one painful step at a time. We have stumbled and skinned a few knees along the way. I, for one, have consumed countless Tums and used up several bottles of lubricant eye drops. But, and what matters the most, I have learned. I have learned how much I didn't know and while it is comforting to know that I am growing and gaining expertise, the catastrophizer in me wonders what I still don't know and, if I don't find THAT article, will I look like a fool when writing my dissertation.

I must keep reminding myself that growth is painful. If I am making progress (even when that involves some steps backward), I'm doing ok.

This week I continued reading, finding new articles, and annotating. The outline for my Review of Literature was well-received and I was grateful for the reminder that it will change. As I write and read and synthesize and ruminate, as I grow, the outline will change. And it has.

Writing is the hardest part for me and forcing the first rough (very rough) draft out of me hasn't been a pretty sight. It is due tonight and it is far from complete. However, I am going to keep making progress, step by step, inch by inch, and seek the goal of progress and not perfection.

I began writing by trying to grab information from my very detailed annotations, plugging them into the outline. It wasn't working for me. I know what I've read and how it has helped me shape my thinking on my topics (i.e. self-directed learning, teacher professional development, and open digital badges). So, I decided to take advice from a friend to put the annotated bibliography aside and just write. Write my take on the literature. I know that what I write is backed up by the literature and I know that I will be able to cite those sources by digging into my notes but, for now, I write. My first draft will not be complete but it will represent progress. Progress, not perfection.

What comes next? No time to rest on my laurels. The second draft is due in three days, peer reviews are due in one week, and the final version (final version for this class, not the dissertation) is due in 11 days. Luckily, my schedule is not as full for the next 9 days so this can get a good bit of my attention when I'm not at work. I fear those final two days because on July 1st I drive to Louisiana to visit family and July 2nd I will be IN Louisiana. However, I do look forward to turning in that final assignment on July 2nd, having this course in the "DONE" column. That will make Independence Day weekend feel even more free.

Dribbling the Ball

This week has been rough. I wish I had known several months ago what this course entailed. I knew that when the lit review arrived it would be intense but if I had realized that this past 2 weeks involved acquiring, digesting, and annotating 60 peer-reviewed journal articles, I would not have committed to presenting at a two-day conference this past week. Add in a day driving up (to outside of Chicago) and a day driving back and it's not surprising I am waaaay behind on completing my annotated bibliography. 

I worked on my annotated bibliography ever spare minute I had. Honestly, you can ask my friends who attended the conference with me. One friend drove most of the way to and from so I could be reading and annotating with all my stuff spread out in the back seat typing into my offline Google Docs. Each day the conference started at 8ish and I was up at 3:30 am sitting in the hotel lobby reading and annotating so as to not wake up my friends. Still, I dropped the ball and am highly disappointed in myself.

I say dropped the ball, and I did, but I'm not letting it sit there on the ground. I am trying to dribble it. Keeping my ever-so-slow progress continuing. Even though I will be turning this assignment in late, I have started working on the next part, reworking my outline and planning my approach to the meat of the lit review.

I have read some really good articles that have helped me to gain much increased knowledge and understanding of research that has been done and ways my research can fit into the body of work regarding self-directed learning, teacher professional development, and digital badges. 

Unfortunately, I have a busy week ahead at work, a conference up in Milan, TN on Tuesday, and the UM EdTech Showcase on Thursday morning. There are just not enough hours in the day. Well, I guess there are. It is just that I have filled them up too much. 

As I have been annotating, I still think I am doing too much summary and not enough synthesizing. I am trying to do better. I think that as I gain more expertise in these areas, the synthesis process will become more natural. I just have to keep plugging away at it, even though it is not pretty. 

My next steps? Well, I have to "get 'er done" for one thing. I had printed out a number of articles before I left on my trip and have set about half of them aside because I don't think they are what I need any longer. The other half are still applicable and are sitting beside me as I write this, calling my name. I haven't had a chance to really dig into the "further reading" sections of my annotated bibliography work. There are probably another 100+ (probably more). articles / books / papers listed there that I expect to read before the whole dissertation process is over. While the research on digital badges is still limited, there is some incredible work going on out there. I plan to connect with the names I keep seeing pop up in my research and have already spotted a few conferences / symposia on these topics I would like to attend. 

So, for now, I keep dribbling. 

My Bucket Overflows

After many consecutive days of reading journal articles for my literature review, I feel like I can hold no more. My feelings of inadequacy are at an all time high and, while I enjoy learning about what I am reading, what is causing me so much anxiety and stress is my inability to read and comprehend more quickly.

It doesn't help that I suffer from dry eye and that makes extended reading sessions quite painful even with plenty of Refresh Optive handy. I have begun printing out the articles in hopes that not staring at the computer screen may help (it doesn't). I often close my eyes while I am reading which I can do because I often use the text-to-speech feature on my Mac to read PDFs aloud to me (when the PDFs aren't made of scanned pages that don't convert well with OCR).

I love reading but what I think is ADD makes it very difficult for me to stay focused as I do it. I frequently have to re-read (or re-listen) to passages and, sometimes, full articles. When you have to have 60 annotated references in less than three weeks, that kind of limitation makes for a pretty miserable time. I long for the day when I can again read without a deadline looming.

However, I do want to add that my professors are incredibly helpful and understanding of the pressures. It is part of their job to push us as well as provide us guidance and support along the way. And they do!

On another note, my guiding inquiries have morphed a few times since my last blog post in an effort to lay a solid, literature-based argument for my research. Here they are:

1. What are some of the current self-directed learning approaches in use in education?
2. What is the current state of the use of digital badges / micro-credentials in education?
3. What is the rationale for using digital badges / micro-credentials in professional development?
4. What are some of the benefits and barriers related to use of digital badges / micro-credentials in professional development?

Now, if you are considering working on your doctorate, especially in IDT at UM, I don't want to completely freak you out. I am finding it challenging and thought-provoking. Everything in life has pros and cons. I just wish I could speed read and remember everything I read like Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds!

Annotating Marathon

This week I feel like I have been drowning in journal articles. The first round of annotations for my annotated bibliography are due on Sunday. Yes, I had 22 in my IDT 8100 Annotated Bibliography but many just don't seem to address my Guiding Inquires.

My Guiding Inquiries (research questions) currently are:

1. What are some of the current autonomous learning approaches being used in teacher professional development?
2. What is the current state of the use of digital badges in teacher professional development?
3. What is the rationale for using digital badges in teacher professional development?
4. What are some of the benefits and barriers related to use of digital badges in teacher professional development?

I have no doubt that I will be turning in each assignment on time (at least, I hope I will) but I expect that I will age many years in the next 10 days. In 10 days the third and final set of annotations is do with a minimum of 60 references. The fact that I am working full time this summer and am attending/presenting at a conference next week only exacerbates my stress level. 

I am, however, grateful for the structure of the course and the degree program. There is no room for slacking and the professors are so incredibly helpful and understanding. They know their students well and are helping us make our way through the process. I just have to keep persevering and use every spare minute. It will be worth it!

I love reading the journal articles, particularly if the PDF is made of text and not an image so I can have my computer read the text aloud. One of my biggest challenges comes in becoming easily distracted when reading PDFs on my computer or tablet. Yesterday I made the decision to go ahead and print out hard copies. I am hoping that will help me along in the process more efficiently. It did last night. I notated on my paper copies as my computer read aloud. I feel like that work flow is going to be a better fit for me. 

I came across an article that gave me some great insights into self-regulated learning as it relates to autonomous learning, not only for students but in regards to the role the teacher plays in the process. I expect to revisit this one many times. 

Nakata, Y. (2014). Self-regulation: Why is it important for promoting learner autonomy in the school context? Studies in Self-Access Learning Journal, 5(4), 342- 356. http://sisaljournal.org/archives/dec14/nakata 

I will be continuing to tweak my work flow as it related to researching in an effort to fine-tune my learning environment. Now, if only my cats would cooperate!

Image Source: http://www.clipartbest.com/clipart-jTxpX58TE 

Graphic Organizer: Literature Review

Learning about literature reviews, I utilized these resources provided by Dr. Weaver:

• http://libguides.usc.edu/writingguide/literaturereview 
• https://goo.gl/k5CPND
• http://www.lib.ncsu.edu/tutorials/litreview

To help clarify my understanding of literature reviews, I have used Cacoo to create a graphic organizer. Click on the image below to view the Cacoo page.

I have certainly gained a better understanding of the structure and process of a literature review. I wish that I had known all of this when I wrote a literature review in my first semester in the program last Fall.

I believe that one of my biggest challenges will be keeping my own opinions out of the paper. I know that this portion of my dissertation is all about the literature and, while I must synthesize what I have read, it is not time for me to make judgements. I must limit myself to the content of the works and their connections (or lack thereof) to each other and the topic I've selected.

Another challenge I anticipate will be the management of notes. My tendency is to hang on to a resource and make it fit the topic rather than keeping an impartial view of the material and let it go if it doesn't apply. You see, my interests are varied and so I like to keep reading articles if they are interesting whether they relate to the topic of the paper or not. If I am to remain sane through these next two years, that must change!

FYI - I have recently chosen EndNote as my reference manager and am gaining a greater level of comfort with the program daily.